Writen during emo time~(forget how long was it)

Sometimes I just wish my life can be so much more difficult. Then, it will let me learnt to be more independent and to be more appreciate the things that I have right now.At the age of 22, I can say that I haven’t been through hardship. Things have been easy for me all these time and caused me not to strike hard for anything. I am so regret for what I have done. I really wish there is a time machine, I will turn back into time where I will drop off all unneccassary stuffs and to do the right thing.

As a student, I did not fullfill my job because I take things too easy. I did not pay full attention in class and did not study hard enough to meet the grades that I should have. I did not humble enough to ask questions. I did not willing to learn and most of all I am not hardworking at all to study.

As a daughter, I was not caring enough to my family. I was too naïve to believe that things will lead the way as time goes by. I was not strong enough to face all the problems that happen in the family. I was disobedient to my elders. I was ignorant to household things.

As a sister, I was not a good example to my brother. I was too strict towards him. I was a big bullier and did not care how my brother progression in life and studies. I was too selfish to my brother and only know how to make use of him.

As a friend, I was not as sincere. Some friends , I did not even take the initiative to contact them. I found I was too fake. I am good at making friends but not good at maintaining relationships.

I guess I am nothing afterall. BUT, I will change. From this moment, I want to be a better person, a better daughter, sister, student and friend. I know it is not going to be easy, but I will do my very very best. I am not satisfied with what I am now, character and personality wise.Give me sometime, I want to be a better person!

p/s: I must be very down at the time I wrote this post....

Hi Blog,

Hello feelings, sorry to abandon you for such a long time.
I have been busy... like seriously. Another more acceptable excuse is that I am very lazy to tell you my life.
In short, I am doing just fine. Mom finally going to chemotherapy, I guess I have to leave you for sometime again.

Meanwhile, I will continue to live life to fullest!

该怎么去爱？

这个问题缠绕了近4年了吧。。。

打从18岁就开始想谈恋爱。。。直到现在还是单身。
这并不是坏事只是我担心我不会去爱。。。
朋友们爱得轰轰烈烈。。。到分手瓶颈的时候却痛斥心扉。 这也是让我迟迟都不敢开始任何一段感情。当然， 这不是最重要的因素 只不过我还没有心里准备去接受会面临的种种问题。
我很想不顾一切，干干脆脆那样，可是我做不到。。。
朋友说我想太多， 的确是， 我想很多。。I can't help it!

真正了解我的人不多。。。


最近几位姐妹在感情上出现问题。。。真的让我心痛～
也让我真正的在思考。。。该怎么去爱～～～

It's not an ordinary night tonight. Things just happened not the way I have ever expected it. Tears keep running down my both cheeks and I have no control of stopping it.
I don't know whether this is the right path or not. But at least I know it is not the correct path to walk. My heart is aching, really aching in pain in fact and I cannot even dare to imagine how they feel. It must be million times more than I do.
Well, at least things are cleared. But I certainly hope that things happen in exchange of something better. Maybe is later, but I am sure it will come. I do have faith.
I really feel heartbroken.... honestly. But, I will stay strong because I have faith. I believe things happen for a reason and change for a reason. Hopefully the incident will teach us a lesson. As he said, it will leave a scar in our heart to remind ourselves. I do not want this scar. I do not.... Not at all......

Tonight will be another sleepless night with tears' companion.

Mission Accomplished!

As most of you aware of, I went home without letting my family knows, and yes, I did managed to suprise my parents and my mom almost cry!



Let me brieftly tell you the story. It goes like this.

I wanted to celebrate my birthday with my parents this year. So, I decided to come back earlier.
And the naughty idea of surprising them came into my mine! Hence, to start the mission, I need a assistant who is my brother hahaha....I sent him a facebook inbox to let him know that I need his help to fetch me from the bus station. He was totally into the mission and we keep in contact to make sure it is a success. It is not easy because our house have the alarm system and also the gate is freaking loud when you open it! Also, not forgetting the Metro secrurity that petroling during the night!
The plan will not success if my maid forget to unlock the glass door and Bingo!!!! she really forget to unlock!

Well, my brother told my parents that he had to go to school for a stay over camp. Then, he went to Old town to sit and waited for me for 3 hours! Later, when we reached home, we left the car outside then CLIMBED into my house!!! Later, when we found out my maid forget to unlock the glass door, we phoned the house and luckily we only woke up my maid and not my parents.
So far so good right?

Then, I slept in my brother's room and waited for morning to wake my parents up.
Guess what? while we were sleeping, my mom said: " Boy, I cannot contact you sister, I tried to call her a lot of times but she did not answer...." But, my brother just act like nothing.
I suddenly feel so bad and I went out and I shocked my father and mother!!!
hahahhaha......

My mom told me her feelings was angry+shocked+happy+confused.
She told me if she cannot find me, she will start calling my friends to find me and RenEe will be the first person to contact and when she gets me she is gonna scold me thoroughly!!
But, when she saw me all anger gone!!! hahahahahhahahhahahahahahahaha!!!! Lucky me!!!!

And now, she told everyone this story whenever she sees anyone. I am now labelled as the "naughty girl". Well, you can say I am naughty but I do not really think so. hehehe.... this is the spice of life! Certainly, I do not consider surprising my parents is something naughty.......Everything is fine if my mom slept through the night instead of looking me! Hey, I saved a lot of time and money for my parents since they did not need to travel all the way to KL and return!


Anyway, I am still happy that the mission is accomplished!!!! hehehe....

There will be a next time, trust me! *evil grin*

Post exam~

Finally finishing another year of University. Today was my last paper, and I am all done!
Post exam programme? Nothing much, I am going to start my movie marathon.
Tomorrow, I am going to the beach! Hopefully, I will have a great day.
I don't know why. After exam got an "emptiness" feeling~

Human being, always have complicated emotions. haiz~

Being

Being.....
with an object is to care for it, to have concern for it... producing something, attending to something and looking after it, making use of something, giving up something and letting. Hugo, undertaking, discussing determining, accomplishing, interrogating, considering.... all of these are ways of BEING.

I am a human being......

Guys are visual animal

Boy: "For us, if we find a girlfriend, we do not care about how they look. The most important part is inside. The heart and personality are the most crucial of all. So, you girls no need to worry about your looks because a guy will like your inner beauty more."

Me: " Really? So you don't mind how your girlfriend looks like right?"

Boy: "Of course no. As I said, inner more important."

Me: "So.... tell me your type. What type of girls you like?"

Boy: "Erm....... I like girls with long hair. Preferably fair. Cannot be too fat or too thin. Must shorter than me and must be very feminine."

Me: "You go to die la!" -.-'

Updates about Istanbul!

Came back 3 days ago from Istanbul. It was a short but awesome trip. Solehah and me were crazy all the time during the trip. Our plane time was early 6.30am. Therefore we need to go to the airport the night before. Basically, we slept over at the airport and stayed there for more than 7 hours before departure!
This trip, besides sightseeing, we meet a lot of important people but we had no idea who are they. When we were at London Gatwick, someone from the middle eastern country came to visit London. There were a lot of securities, policemen and reporters.

After 3 hours 20 mins, we finally arrived Istanbul. As you know low cost airline do not go to major airport, so we landed at Istanbul-Sabiha Gokchen airport which is located at the Asia side of Turkey. We had to take approx. 45 min bus to the main town of Istanbul. It was not that bad, like sight seeing. The view of the Bosphorus was magnificent!!!
Traffic in Istanbul city is crazy. The drivers are very rough. Even the traffic light showed that is green light for the pedestrian, drivers did not care but continue to drive their way. Soleha was very paranoid about road-crossing. The sound of horn are everywhere and every second. *scary*

Later, we found the way to our hostel. It was quite complicated. We have to take underground. Then take tram to cross the Golden Horn Strait to the other side of Istanbul. The old side of the Istanbul. Taking about the Tram. I was stuck in the Tram while Solehah was already get out of the tram. I was so afraid! hahah... luckily some guy opened the door for me. Then, we walked our to find our hostel. GOSH~~ our hostel have no main entrance. It was above a carpet shop. We were so afraid. There was this guy claimed that he worked at the hostel and showed us the way to the hostel. We walked into the carpet shop, walked almost the back of the shop and went up to the stairs. We came to the elevator. The elevator was the old fashion type where you have to open the door yourself. The reception was on the top floor of the building with a very very simple table and a computer but the view was really nice. We able to see the straits.

Overall in the trip, I learned more about religion. As Solehah will tell the history and the differences between each religion. Too bad that most of the places, we are not allowed to take any pictures, if not it would be so nice to share some really jaw-dropping moments with you guys. Oh yeah! The policemen there are handsome. Really Handsome and fit. They look like model. Not kidding. Their police uniform are like those F1 motor racing. Tall, Fit and good looking!!!

2 more weeks to final exam and then I will be back to Malaysia!!! WOOHOO!!!!!

New stuffs

My mom came to visit me last week in the UK. She brought me loads of new stuffs. Just want to share with you guys!! Hahhaha.... I am the luckiest and the most Haengbok person in the world!

Just to refresh your memory. My parents bought me a Tiffany key necklace for me 21 birthday. This year, my mom bought me a love pendant from Tiffany& Co. as well.... Hahha... that makes a match.woohoo~~


Next, my mom brought me a watch from Switzerland. Although it is not my first Swatch but it is the first watch bought from the origin country and typically shown where it is from.

My Dad also bought me a Fila bag from Hong Kong. My mom brought along with her for me!

I brought my mom to Abercrombie and Fitch. She was indeed quite excited to see hot models walking around. We want to buy a t-shirt for Andrew but it was quite expensive so forget about it!

Last but not least my new online eye candy!
Jonas Surzbach. He is soooooooooooo hot!!!!!!!! He has 2 chinese character tatoo, Shen(God) on his biceps and Tian tang( Heaven) on his abs! Gosh!!! Way to sexy!!! He is Mr Brazil 2009!

How can you resist someone who is so sexay!!!! *nose-bleeding*

Asians take pictures of everything True?

Do you always take picture whenever and wherever you are? Undeniably, we asians love to take pictures everywhere. Especially with the technology of camera and handphones, taking pictures is a must activity when we meet up friends, having a meal, travelling, uni, blah blah. Last week, I bought my camera to the Exeter Food festival, before starting our job, I gathered all volunteers to take a group picture (As seen from the previous post). I also invite my professor to join in the picture so that it will be a complete members of volunteering from the university. However, he rejected and said "that was an Asian thing, you guys take pictures of Everything!"
I was stoned for a bit and think about it. It is indeed true. I am the only one who brought a camera and excited to take picture. So, why Asians love to take pictures?

I do not know about Asians in general, personally I think is we want to show people what and how we are doing. With facebook and blogs are so frequently used, people take pictures and post them up to show what they had cooked, where they have gone, whom they met, what silly moments etc. My mom purposely open a facebook account because she wants to show me the pictures of Japan.

Besides showing the "things" that you have done, taking pictures can actually make yourself feel better. See in facebook, there are a lot of girls taking pictures of themselves. You know those "head-shot". Obviously, we know that some of them may undergo computer surgery, but the result mostly are good. As men are visual animal, young girls love to do that to attract boys and when they got attention, they feel better and also increase they self-esteem.

Talking about pictures, when I entered uni, most of my friends have a DSLR with them. I know Joel, David ad Okky are very passionate about photography but I also see some people just following the trend. I am not saying that the hobby is bad but is that what you love to do?
Or maybe you just want to look bit more professional? I used to think people with DSLR are people who really into photography and enjoy doing this as a hobby. They have the skills to taking the right angle, the correct lights, speed, contrast etc. Unfortunately, after what I have seen, I changed my mind. People just bought an DSLR because the quality of the picture is better. Some of them do not even know what is the real function of the camera. I personally think it is a waste of the product if the person do not know how to fully utilize it. Yes, you may argue that you can learn after you buy it. Totally agree, but you must have the passion and the determination to continue cuz I saw people just gave up photography just like that.

If you learn something, make sure you learn it right, learn it with passion :)

The 10th day of staying alone in the flat!

Today is a good day. It's sunny out there and as usual, I am alone in my room, wasting time. Well, have to study for the exams. The past 4 days, I volunteered to help out in the Exeter Food Festival this year. Last year, I went to the festival and this year I work for the festival. Although there are not difficult jobs but just selling tickets and doing all random stuff. It was still a good experience for me. I get to know some of the best event organisers in the UK. Networking is important!
The best part in volunteering in this festival was to get free food from the exhibitors. Free bread, scones, coffee, cider etc. Still, not studying for 4 days was still worthwhile. I am having a study break and now have to head back to work!!! Meeting Mum in 4 days time!!!


The volunteering Team

p/s: While I am writing this blog, the inspectors are coming in to check the kitchen and my room!! Gosh!!! I totally forget about it!!!! Shit! I have messy room.....

Quiet

All my flatmates went home. My flat is too quiet again!!
Erm.... should watch a scary movie!! hahhahaha~~

Take your own responsibility

My Theory of Management module is going to end soon. When it comes to an end, some people just take the advantage of trying not to do anything. This is a horrible act, indeed, selfish, irresponsible, unconcerned and annoying.
Yes, I am here to talk bad about my groupmates. I don't care if they see this which I highly doubt it but what they do is Extremely unforgivable!
This is not high school, this is not individual work. This is University and GROUP WORK.
understand the word "GROUP"
The major problem of you is that, you think u already did your job. What we demand and what you will supply. Process and discussion never appear in your mind right??
Fine! if you did your part I am totally fine with it!!!
BUT!!! what you provide is RUBBISH!!!!
You call that a CV? you call that a personal statement? you call that summary report?
I have a word for those 3. They are simply rubbish.

I understand your level of English is not high and so do I. My first CV is equally bad but I improve so does the group. But, because you don't even bother to change and hand in a similar one??!!! How responsible of you. Tell us that you were sick while in fact you were in London with your bf? WTF???!!!!

I will see you in less than an hour......... i cannot hold it anymore. Because what you do will directly affect my score!!! Let's make things clear today!

P/s: I show you what is the "perfect"personal statement.
Without any correction. Directly from her, she even spell my name wrongly.

I did a part of the presentation which going to show the eight of sustainable practices with my partner Peter.

Ben is a good teacher for teaching our english because of there are six of us are not english speaker.He always to help us to correct mistakes. I can improve my english skill from Ben.

Natalia and Suan are full of creativity girls. There always got lots of ideas in their mind. I can receive lots of special ideas from them and it makes me feel very intersting.

Angelia is a quick-thinking. She can solve problems and answer questions very quickly and she is so confidence and so sucessful when she answered questions in the end of our presentation. She let me know that quick-thinking is very important.

Hitomi is a punctural girl, she let me feel about punctural is very important for group working.

Peter is a zeal boy. He like to help group members and he did very nice powerpoint in our prensentation. I feel about zeal is very important if you want to make friends from him.

Sun!

March is here= spring is here= sun is here!!!

Finally, the awful coldness of UK is slowly fading away! Furthermore, my location in the South West of UK has one of the highest exposure of SUN!!!
What I did yesterday was, ditch my readings and homework, call my friends out to embrace the sun!!!




The clear blue sky!!!


Malaysian Gang!!


Me and my girls~~

Crossing the river with a hand-pulled ferry!!!


Sunny days make my day better always~~
My weather now is Sunny, what bout yours???

When too much things in your mind~~~

That's when I start blogging so that I won't touch the work that I should do.

I start going through my blog and realize that I have not actually put any of my "night out parties" pictures to this blog. I wonder. oh ya!!! I think it is because I am afraid that my mom will come saw the pictures..... hahhaa..... Of course not! My mom knows I go out. Anyway, since Foto tagged a lot of pictures of me in facebook, so I might as well transfer some of the nicer ones here to show.
You know, some of the blogs that I read, always put clubbing pictures....so I also want to join the trend but I don't have much~~(oh, you can see how fat I am now!)
Here it goes;


Leila( the girl with flower) visits Exeter,


Girls night out on Valentine's Day!!!


Nesha's Bday in Prezzo, is Vero(Swiss) and Chili(Jap.)


Chillin, in Exeshed after fashion show! See Chili's killer boots!


See stupid Afi doing ugly faces!!!


Vero smokes while taking pictures,( can see smokes clearly) Nesha and Faiz...

I found out it just take me around 15 mins to post this entry which means that now, I have to head back to work!!! haiz~~~
chao!

I say.....

~Raindrops keep falling on me head~

Bought a £10 umbrella!!!^^

Change

Faiz told me that I have changed. Changed to a person that he thinks is too hard to approach. All these happen is just because that I do not want to go out and I skipped 2 lectures. What's wrong when nowadays that I go to library everyday and cut down my social entertainment? Why people like to judge and have a quick conclusion towards one when he/she doesn't know any particular detail? I am not pin-pointing at Faiz alone, I 've got that all the time from other people.
Maybe is really my problem but I do not really like to talk about myself to others. Amr used to say that I do not treasure my friends because I do not talk personal things or so called the "heart to heart" talk with any of my university friends here. Firstly, I do not have many problems myself. I am happy with my family and friends and furthermore, I am single which segregated me from the boy-girl complicated relationships problems. (In this moment, I suddenly wish my good friends are here, that even I do not need to talk, they will still understand my feelings...Lu, Bell, Ren, Jing, Kat, Yi Hui....... I need you!!!!)

Talking about change, I heard it many times. Why people just cannot accept changes in life, changes in character. We are human beings, we grow up we change, we learn we change, We regret we change, we failed we change. Even if people change from a good to not so good person is still an inevitable issue. Regardless what, people will constantly change by the things they see, they learn, they friends and also their maturity.

Few weeks back, most of my friends broke up with their bf/gf.
1. N started crying and complained that her bf changed. I really don't know how to console. I just think that when things come to a point that both cannot solve or tolerate, break up is the best solution, and now they are back together -.-!
2. Aki broke up with Ali, and now Ali wants her back by stalking her and call her everyday, but in fact he was the one who broke up with Aki first.
3. V broke up with A because she found that she is not really like him. If that so, why bother to start a relationship??
4. R and L was not in good terms and L now completely get out of R life after giving so many problems and mental stress to R.
5. Iza and her bf also broke up because the bf have another one. See see... boys.

Things change, people change.
Solution, try to fix the problem, if not just accept the fact. That's life.
C'est la Vie.

Be agressive!

Things just piling up and I am very excited!
Recently, life for me is just wonderful. I have a very flexible term 2 which allows me to have more time for studies and fun.
I just register for the Exeter Award. This means that I will have a lot of things to do to earn my award. University provides a lot of opportunities and good aid to assist students to maximize their potential in every field. I personally took that for granted and did not make full use of what the Uni has to offer. Therefore, this term, I want to be more aggressive and get involve and commit to what I am doing.
I signed up for a variety of Employability workshop which are very useful. I learn to know what kind of employees big companies are looking for.Big companies I mean Ernst & Young, JP Morgan, Accenture, Bloomberg, Thomas Reuters etc. I might not be the perfect candidate for them right now but who knows after 3 years, I will be the one that they are craving for?( haha, hopefully).
To build up my profile and my knowledge, I started to join and attend a lot of talks. Last friday, I went to Bloomberg Europe headquarter in London. It was such a good trip. I learned so much from the trip. Since, I am in the Economics field, I get to meet people who are experts in their field. Everytime I leave the lecture hall, I realise how shallow I am, there are so many things that I do not know about my future career prospect. I am so "katak".
Have to change my attitude for a better future, more applications to fill, more CV to write!
But I am excited for all these! Next week, I am going to meet people from PriceWaterHouseCoopers!!! woohooo!!!!!

Not forgetting, Chinese New Year is just around the corner!!! I bought 2 new dresses for £20!!! Good deal!^^!

Signing off!

Graduation!

First of all, to make things clear, it's not my graduation though! hahaha.....
It was my "sister" Aki's graduation!
Congratulations!
It was indeed so sweet of her to invite me to attend her master graduation ceremony. Although I just attending, I felt the happiness and the joyful of all the graduates. Some of them brought along the family. It was so sweet. The children were so proud of their dad/mom. A mother of a chinese master graduates broke into tears when her daughter went up stage to receive the certificate from the chancellor. She was very emotional. I guess most of the parents will be emotional especially the parents themselves have not been to a university or the graduate is the first in the family to graduate from a university.
You can tell the process of the ceremony was kinda bored and dull, I entertained myself by listening to the thesis of the Phd students. Their thesis were so difficult to understand. ie "photo-induced of the two dimensional hole-system", or "nanocrynomites xxxxxxxx in the lettuce prevent the rice fungus xxxxxxxxx" etc. It was pretty impressive and I gave my fullest respect to those who gained their doctorate in their perspective fields.


woohoo~~ MSC. It will never happen to me.


and there she is!


Brenda, who was also graduated from Biosciences field.


Yup, it's Aki the Iraqi!
After ceremony tea, the scones were sooooo good!

After graduation, Aki brought me to a Greek party. It was so fun. They played Greek songs the whole night and the people were enjoying themselves so much by dancing the traditional dances and moves. It was like a festival!!! Learning about their culture was so interesting and the people were so welcoming. Therefore, I am planning to go to Greece this coming Easter break!! Woohoo~~~ It's time for some Mediterranean experience!!! hahhaaha~~ looking forward to!!!


Aki loves my chubby face!

Hi Greece, I am coming soon~~


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